Nothing Happened
So why am I so cross!
Like many parents, I was high-fiving on knowing the schools were returning in early March.
Admittedly, her excitement is substantially less than mine. But what happened, or rather what didn’t happen, happened on Friday. “I don’t want to get the bus,” “I hate the bus,” “why can’t you pick me up” “I can’t get the train; it will take forever.”
Despite her protestations, my approach to the situation was to either catch the bus or walk home. Typically, my daughter travels home with a classmate. On this occasion, a classmate was doing a club after school.
With no taxi service available (a.k.a. mum), she had no choice but to catch the bus. She jumped on what was an empty bus. Fairly soon after, a man also got on the bus and sat immediately behind her. Why did he sit behind when there is an empty bus? Making excuses for him, I suggested he wanted to sit by the window.
The entire bus was empty ….. why did he sit there?
Nothing in particular happened. But on that day, my child’s perception of the world changed dramatically. In that tiny instant, she was a child no more but a hyper-alert female. Sitting on the edge of her seat, pretending she was ok while watching the man behind by the reflection in the window. Clearly, my daughter felt very uncomfortable, a state of being that, as women, we often accept.
Why didn’t she move? Or maybe the question should be, why should she move? Again, part of the human condition and certainly part of the female condition is not to appear rude. My daughter didn’t move as she did not wish to be impolite.
On top of everything else that has happened in the last 12 months, this has been a rude awakening. I now have to give my daughter strategies when she is out and about alone. Thankfully, right now are a few places to go apart from school. But surely wherever she goes, wherever any young female child or woman goes, and regardless of the time of day or night, they have the right to feel safe.
But perhaps more important, how do we change the narrative? It’s not about girls behaving in a certain way, and not all boys and men are predators. There is, however, something about our society that allows some boys and men to believe they can behave outrageously. How do we as families move things forward so girls don’t feel threatened and boys don’t feel demonised?
I so wish I had an answer. But I don’t; this frustrates me hugely!
Thankfully I can hold my daughter close. I’m sure you would do the same. What if those friends and relatives further afield? Often as an adult, so much of what we do is alone. What about a telephone call rather than a text, a letter or even a card?.... Right now, more than ever, we need personal and human connections.
Juliana x